


I Gave Your Chocolates Away

by nestine



Category: NCT (Band), NCT Dream
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, jeno is so dead, you'll understand why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 16:35:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15644673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nestine/pseuds/nestine
Summary: Mark has been in love with Jaemin for the past 5 years and when he finally has the courage to confess, he thinks it's too late.





	I Gave Your Chocolates Away

**Author's Note:**

> Just 4 days before Na Jaemin's birthday, I challenged myself to write fics for him that I'll probably post the whole of August. But here's the first one! 
> 
> This is my first NCT fic I've finished writing! Ahhh~~ forgive me, wrote this on a whim and in just a day but i hope you'll like it. NoMin and RenMin are up next :)

Mark blames Donghyuck for all the succeeding consequences he’s currently facing right now. If Donghyuck has kept his mouth shut, has not persistently pressed on Mark to make a move, then Mark wouldn’t have to be in his current inescapable predicament.

“Mark hyung, what is it that you want to say to me?” Jaemin asks, eyes sparkling while his honey colored hair shines on broad daylight. He’s donning his ever so beautiful smile Mark fancies the most.

“Umm” Mark starts because he doesn’t know where to begin. Will he ask Jaemin without beating the bush? Will he let another moment pass again? Or will he finally have the courage to finally, finally, draw out all of his cards.

“Hmm?” Jaemin hums, clearly and patiently waiting for the older to speak.

“I –“

But before Mark can even decide whether this is the perfect time to confess or not, his heart has drastically stopped the blood from properly circulating through his veins. All it took is one word pierced through the deepest part of his heart causing an abrupt heart wrenching thud.

“Babe!”

Babe?

Mark hears Jeno call out to, presumably, Jaemin. Mark hangs on to a tinge of hope, a sparkle of light that the babe Jeno just called is some random girl or guy in this field but there isn’t any other person besides Mark and Jaemin and it is immediately confirmed that babe Jeno is referring to is none other than dun dun dun dun Jaemin when Jeno has run over to them and instantly slings an arm around Jaemin. Are they dating?

“Oh, hey, Mark hyung” He says, his eye smile visible.

“Hi” Mark croaks out and he tries, he really tries to unseen the moments happening before his eyes, how Jeno has softly flicked the loose strands of hair hovering over Jaemin’s forehead and how Jaemin rolls his eyes but smile so endearingly. It’s painful but Jaemin is so beautiful Mark doesn’t have the courage to look away even. It’s pathetic. And Mark’s pathetic and now he’s standing in front of his 5-year crush, almost confessing, only to find out he doesn't stand a chance. Pathetic. Mark is pathetic.

But now, Jaemin is looking at him, wide-eyed, still expecting something from him. “Hyung” he calls out.

“Umm, no, um, well, look at the time.” Mark mutters, “I just remember I need to meet Hyuck. And you know how he is, ha-ha, loud, so well, I’m going to go. Just, well, umm, okay, then, I guess see you soon? Bye”

And Mark dashes as fast as he could without even thinking of glancing back as his mind is too focused on how his heart practically slamming every bone on his chest, and how every part of his inner core aches thus he fails to hear the numerous times Jaemin is calling his name.

 

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

 

Maybe it is Jaemin’s good hearted nature, or his ability to challenge Donghyuck into a battle of nasty replies. Perhaps, it’s how Jaemin takes care of the youngest in their little group of friends or how forgiving he can be. There is a whole heap of reasons and at the same time no real explanation on why and how Mark has downright fallen in love with Jaemin.

Mark Lee has been harboring feelings for Na Jaemin for 5 years. It isn't love at first sight nor a love which stemmed from an immense moment. It is a continuous feeling, which through time, has been developing, flourishing, expanding, shooting up, and it got bigger and bigger, and Mark doesn’t know when it’ll stop or if it will ever stop.

Donghyuck has said Mark needs to man up and tell Jaemin how he feels before Mark leaves the university and forever regret not letting the younger know what he truly feels. But Mark is content settling on an unrequited love. It’s better to love Jaemin from a far, at least Mark will always be Jaemin’s favorite hyung. And that’s unreservedly satisfying.

But Donghyuck is a pain in the ass, blackmailing him into doing something he isn’t prepared to do. Threatening to tell Jaemin himself if Mark will stay mum for the rest of his life. What can Mark really do? As if he had given a choice to begin with. But who is Mark kidding? Of course, he knows he had, has a choice, and Donghyuck isn’t an asshole to actually fulfill do what he planned. Maybe Mark, if he digs into the farthest and innermost truth in his heart, actually wishes to let Jaemin know what he has been hiding all these years.

But why is he still thinking of his missed confession when his chances have gone astray. Jeno, Jaemin? He should've have known. He should've paid a little more attention. They are perfect for each other.

Mark has been running - out of the field, out of the school. His things abandoned in the locker room, and he has nothing but himself wallowing over an opportunity that slipped from his hands - worst, grieving over a heartbreak.

He finally stops running when he can no longer feel his toes, when his legs start to give up and slow him down, and without noticing, he ends up in the park they frequently visit as a group. That means, he has run more than 5 stations away from the University. Great.

But Mark is completely immersed in the pain running through his whole body that he doesn't really care anymore. He slumps into an old bench, clutches his heart as his brain maniacally tries to replay how Jeno looks at Jaemin and how Jaemin reciprocates the gesture, he feels so stupid to ever thinking he stood a chance.

So it ends here? It really ends here? Just like that?

Mark is alone, sitting in an old wooden gazebo and he doesn't even have his phone to call someone and get him. He has no money, not even his T-money card. Can this day be any better? The skies are slowly turning into a mixture of orange and yellow, it's almost 5 and it means he has been on his own for almost 3 hours. He tells himself he can walk all the way to his house even if it’s 10 stations away. Or whatever. He’s in too much pain to even care.

But before he can stand up and actually start trying to live again, he freezes on his spot when he hears someone calling him.

“Mark hyung.” It comes off as hoarse, muffled by soft pants and heavy breathing.

It came from a person whose voice makes him crumble into pieces. A voice he desperately refuses to hear right now but at the same time one that he needs the most. Mark turns around only to find Jaemin, hand on his heart, probably catching is breath. 2 backpacks sling on his back, a few books on his right hand. Mark automatically feels alarmed, Jaemin isn't allowed to put too much pressure on his back and now he’s carrying two bags loaded with books.

Mark rushes to Jaemin, and he immediately snatches both bags and Jaemin willingly lets him.

“I was looking for you everywhere.” Jaemin suddenly reveals. Mark only nods in response and walks back to the gazebo, clearly doesn't have a clue on what to do next.

What is he doing here? It's the initial reaction Mark thinks. So even if it's painful, Mark takes secret peeks at Jaemin when Jaemin finally sits beside.

They sit together lulled by the comfortable silence for a while. Mark wants to talk, yearns to ask a handful of questions. Are you with Jeno? How long? Does everyone know? Why didn't you tell me? Are you happy? Because if you are then I’ll be the happiest too.

“Hyung, remember that one time in senior high when all of us were playing and fooling around but then I slip on that log and hurt my back?” Jaemin, all of a sudden, asks. How can Mark even forget?

Jaemin, now scooting closer to Mark, and Mark is surprised by the sudden closeness, he feels comfortably suffocated and at the same time finds hard to breathe with Jaemin being so close to him.

“I think I’m still haunted by Chenle’s scream.” Jaemin lets out a chuckle.

Mark remembers every single moment, how it happened so swiftly, no one could have prevented what transpired. It was the last day of Mark as a high school and they all decided to throw him a sendoff of some sort. It was on this same park when they had decided to ravish all the junk food they purchased at a mart but then it started raining and everyone, besides Renjun, joined in the childish act of playing in the rain. Donghyuck was tackling Chenle and Jeno tried his best to save the younger. Mark had been observing all of them, laughing together when Donghyuck slipped and got his uniform dirty. Jaemin and Jisung, on the other hand, were running around, Jaemin wanting Jisung to get on the gazebo because he didn’t want the youngest getting sick but then it happened so swiftly, Mark didn’t even see it.

Jaemin accidentally slipped on the log and landed on his back.

Chenle witnessed the whole thing, and his scream probably alerted everyone on the neighborhood. No one knew who called 911 because everyone was too panic stricken to even move. Donghyuck dropped down to his knees, Jisung was shaking on his spot, Renjun rushed out of the gazebo, Jeno went straight to Jaemin, and Mark - he froze on his spot. He saw with his very own eyes how Jaemin was crying because of the pain. It pained Mark too, more than anyone can imagine.

Until now, Mark regrets ever agreeing on that send off. If only he could turn back time.

“Jisung has been crying every day until my release from the hospital. He blamed himself because he said he was the one who pushed me,” Jaemin admitted. “But I’ve been telling him all this time that he didn't push me but yeah, that kid says he hates me but he cried every day. I know.”

Jisung had been psyched out, endless I’m sorrys and I didnt mean to do it. Mark looks at Jaemin, bewildered. And Mark momentarily forgets how to perfectly breathe. Jaemin is smiling at him which takes Mark’s breath away, and he looks away immediately fearing how his heart erratically beating. But Mark’s finds himself once again, failing to properly breathe when Jaemin adds an unspoken truth.

“You got angry with Jisung for a while.” It isn't even a question nor does a confirmation, Jaemin tells it as if it's an underlying fact. A truth he has been carrying for a long time, and Mark is baffled as he kept it a secret to everyone as much as possible. Then he realizes, maybe he wasn't as subtle as he thinks he was back then.

But Jaemin is right though. Even though Mark refused to blame anyone for what happened. He knows and it was selfish of him but he couldn't stop himself from feeling a tinge of anger, because Jaemin was hurt. And when Jisung admitted to accidentally pushing Jaemin, Mark's mind went blank.

“Valentine’s Day, 3 years ago” Jaemin suddenly says. “You were quite popular with our year.” He adds sheepishly. “Almost everyone I know wanted me to be the delivery guy for their stupid chocolates.”

Chocolates? As far as Mark can recall, he only received chocolates from his friends, and not from anyone in Jaemin’s year. When he looks at Jaemin, the latter is already looking at him and as the words slip from Jaemin’s lips, Mark is in a whirlwind of emotions.

“I gave your chocolates away.” Jaemin admits straightforwardly. “I only gave you mine.”

And Mark is beyond dumbfounded, he can't even process to say the word what.

“I even told Donghyuck and the others to not give you chocolates but Renjun warned me that it would be too obvious. So I relented.”

The information has been continuously clouding Mark’s sanity. What? Why? How? Holy shit? He isn't sure how to process what Jaemin just revealed and he doesn't even know what emotion he has been showing but Jaemin is looking at him, with a touch of pink on his cheeks.

“Don’t look at me like that” Jaemin motions his fingers up and down while scrunching his nose and he looks away and Marks wants to say, Look at me. Please look at me. How odd! Just a moment ago, he refuses to make eye contact but now that’s Jaemin has stopped looking at him, Mark wants Jaemin’s eyes to focus on him. I’m going crazy.

“I know. I'm guilty. I thought i'll carry this in my grave. But here we are. So, oh well. I guess that;s that”

Jaemin smiles. And Mark’s heart does somersaults.

“School fair on your last day at middle school.” This time, Jaemin is looking at him in the eyes once more and Mark holds on to that spark and hopefullness in Jaemin’s eyes and he hopes Jaemin can see the affection in his eyes too. “You said you were going back to Canada.” Jaemin says accusingly, and pouting cutely “I was so upset. Did you know I sold all my action figures and had begged my mother to give me money so I can buy a plane ticket to Canada?”

Mark scans his brain, looking back to his past. His father decided to take the job offer in Canada and he really thought they would be leaving Korea for good so he announced it to his friends and they, being a bunch of kids, had begged him to stay but he remembered Jaemin the most because the latter only said okay and left.

This new information is making Mark confused even more. Mark doesn't even know what to say or what to think or even what to feel.

“I was so miserable.” Jaemin admitted, “I said I was okay but I rushed home and demanded all my toys be sold. I remembered how I cried all day and Jisung even tried to sell all his action figures too so we can add to the money I already had.”

The rush of sentences, Jaemin continued mumbling but Mark catches every word. He needs to, he wants too.

“Jisung probably called Chenle because Chenle called my house and told my mom he’s giving all his money to me. Chenle even pleaded with his parents to give him his inheritance so he can give me money to buy the tickets. But you see, Chenle was a kid so his parents thought it was one of his silly games.” Jaemin continued and Mark absorbed every word.

“But then after a day, Jeno came down running to my house. He said your family won't move back Canada”

Mark remembered his dad saying he didn't accept the job because it would be best for Mark to continue his studies in Korea. And Mark felt relieved that he would still see his friends and he would still be with Jaemin.

“Jeno said I was stupid for selling my beloved action figures” Jaemin says, his eyes starting to be glassy and Mark feels his eyes are doing the same too.

And when Jaemin speaks again, Mark feels his heart burns every part of every cell of his body.

“But you see, hyung, I would've traded everything for you.”

Mark doesn't know what to say after. Why is Jaemin telling him all of these?

“My birthday 4 years ago.” Jaemin narrates again, eyes still not leaving Mark’s and the older catches how Jaemin’s voice is getting raspy, like he’s about to cry. “My family and I were supposed to go to Japan but I pleaded my dad not to buy the plane tickets because I want to spend my birthday in Korea.”

“With you.”

“Your birthday, last year.” Jaemin starts, “I was chosen together with Jisung and Jeno to represent our department for this dance competition in Busan. It was a huge deal! And my parents were really proud. But I didn't want to miss your birthday and as soon as we were done performing, I lied to our dance coach that there was a family emergency I needed to immediately attend to so he would let me go. My phone ran out of battery so I couldn't text anyone. I had to catch the last bus so I can still make it to your birthday.”

Mark recalls it perfectly, how sad he was during his own birthday party. Because Jaemin didn't have to find the time to even send a simple text and he wondered the reason why. He knew about the competition but Jeno and Jisung had managed to even call him, but Jaemin didn't. He was so upset that he started drinking. He remembers Donghyuck telling him to stop drinking because he has a low alcohol tolerance.

“I arrived just before the clock strikes 12, before your birthday ends.” Jaemin looks dejected. “I went to your house, but you were - you were so happy with all these people. Renjun saw me and tried to pull me inside the house, telling me you've been waiting for me.”

And Mark swallowed his own saliva realizing he already know the next words Jaemin will say to him.

“This guy, who I don’t even know, starts to, I don’t know how to get touchy with you. And then both of you are suddenly all over each other so I had to run away.” Jaemin says, now forcing a smile and Mark hates it.

“It hurts me, hyung.”

There are too many emotions whirling in Mark’s heart. He’s not stupid so he realizes what Jaemin has been telling him. He should be happy, celebrating – elated. But the fact that everything is confusing and at the same time clear makes it complicated. But what makes Mark clutch his heart because the pain is excruciatingly unbearable, is the fact that Jaemin said he hurt him.

“Jaemin” He says after being silent for too long. After being too scared to do anything, and letting the younger take action.

“Mark hyung,” Jaemin says, and Mark’s heart breaks even more as he sees how slowly tears are building in Jaemin’s eyes, how the first tear drops sliding on his right cheek.

“How can you not notice?” Jaemin adds, voice breaking, “When all these years - all these time” He says while the tears, starts to continuously fall.

“I loved you.”

“I love you.” Jaemin confesses.

Mark’s brain short-circuits. And the only plausible action which first came into his mind is the one thing he has been longing to do. He cups Jaemin’s face with both of his hands, looks at Jaemin - directly into his eyes.

“Jaemin-ah” Mark slowly, almost inaudible, he lets Jaemin know of the feelings he has been trying to hide, and finally, finally, the words he has been wanting to say to Jaemin.

“I love you.”

Mark gathers up all his courage, all his emotions, his whole heart, and presses his lips onto Jaemin’s.

 

“I’ve always loved you. I love you still. And I will love you even more.”

 

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

 

“But Jeno?”

After they shared a kiss that left them both breathless, Mark finds himself blurting out two words that have been occupying his mind the instant their lips broke apart. It comes off as an accusation, and Mark realized he half meant it to be.

But Jaemin is looking at him with such confusion on his face that’s making Mark regret ever asking a stupid two-word question.

“What Jeno?” Jaemin asking, eyebrows furrowing, clearly not knowing why Mark is mentioning Jeno right after they kissed.

“He called you babe.” Mark says almost hushed. He’s embarrassed by the whole thing but he also needs reassurance. Jeno is a close friend and if Jaemin and Jeno are in a relationship then kind of affair do Jaemin and Mark have. If Jaemin and Jeno are a thing, will Jaemin break off whatever link they have to be with Mark.

“Hyung, stop spacing out.” Jaemin chuckles. And Mark with inquisitive eyes, looks at him confused, and demanding a proper answer.

“Jaemin, he called you babe. Are you in a relationship? Because you kissed me and you told me you love me, and I told you I love you and what happens now? Are you going to break up with Jeno? But are you and Jeno even in a relationship. Jaemin, I need answers because I’m panicking. God, I love you so much. Tell me you’re not with Jeno, or are you? God, did you tell me you love me because you’re letting go of your feelings for me because you love Jeno now? Oh my god, was that a goodbye kiss? Jaemin, I – “Mark clearly let out everything that has been bugging him, he needs reassurance, confirmation – whether it’s an affirmation of Jaemin’s love for him or verification that indeed, it was a goodbye kiss. Mark needs to know. But Jaemin starts to laugh, and Mark is even more perplexed.

Jaemin keeps on laughing and Mark patiently waits until all the laughter subsides and when it finally stops, Jaemin is beaming at him, looking directly at his orbs as if Mark hung the starts at night,

“Because we're making you jealous” It’s plain and stupid, and Mark should be angry. They toyed with his feelings, played with his emotions. But he guesses he’s stupid too, stupidly in love with Na Jaemin that he feels relived, like all the weight he has been carrying, the pain his heart is experiencing, are all evaporating.

“He said he needs to make you jealous so you'll realize you like me too”

Mark takes it all in a stride. He thinks he needs to buy Jeno lunch for a whole month, or a whole year.

“So it means you're not dating?” He tries to add, just in case.

“Not in a million years” Jaemin tells him.

“Oh”

“Yeah”

“So. Yeah”

“Yeah”

“Yeah”

“God, this is so awkward. Why are we awkward?” Jaemin covers his face with both of his hands, hiding the reddening of his cheeks.

“Jaemin-ah” Mark says, “Look at me.” And slowly, he untangles Jaemin’s hands from his face. They look at each other, words aren’t really enough, but maybe their action will speak louder. Mark wastes no time as presses his lips once again onto Jaemin’s. And then, once more. And again, and then again. And then again, until the two of them needs air to breathe.

“I love you, Jaemin-ah” Mark reveals. “I love you so fucking much.”

 

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

 

“He plans on kissing Jaemin on the lips,” Renjun snickers the day after Mark and Jaemin got together. Mark is treating them to lunch because he wants to. And because he is happy – elated, over the moon, on cloud nine. To say Mark looks like he’s ready to fight whoever is an understatement.

“Wh-what?” Mark looks straight into Jeno.

“That’s not true.” Jeno defends himself but he’s slowly hiding behind Jaemin.

“Oh. It is true.” Donghyuck high fives Renjun while they both laugh at the soon to be demise of one of their beloved friends. “Lee Jeno, may you rest in peace” Donghyuck adds.  
“I hate you both!” Jeno snarls but the grip he has on Jaemin’s shoulder tightens.

Mark tries to calm himself, attempts to list all the reasons why he loves Jeno, and appreciates the friendship they have. And he’s finally calm because he realizes Jeno is one of the reasons why Jaemin and him are finally together. That counts as a plus.

But Jisung has ruined whatever protective wall Mark has just built.

“Jeno hyung even kissed Jaemin hyung on the cheeks because he needs practice, and he almost kissed him on the lips too.” Jisung tells Mark innocently. “I have video proof” and then he slides into his gallery and fishes out the video.

Mark swallows the lump on his throat and he can feel Jaemin holding his thigh under the table.

“Park Jising!” Jeno sounds like he’s pleading. Jisung only smirks at him in return. “I didn’t kiss Nana, I swear! And I only said I’ll kiss him if you won’t get your shit together but you all sorted it out right, thanks to me. Ha-ha-ha” Jeno tries his best to explain but he is still hiding behind Jaemin.

To make the matters worse, Chenle chooses to butt in, adds even more fuel to the already blazing fire, “Jeno hyung says, he’ll kiss Jaemin hyung like there’s no tomorrow - kiss as in kiss,” Chenle adds, and Jeno looks like all the blood has drained from his face.

Chenle smirks. Mark loses it.

 

 

“With tongue.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can scream at me! [twitter](https://twitter.com/NoMinAngst)
> 
> Happy Birthday, Nana! <3


End file.
